Wednesday, 4 January 2017

2017






As I enter the opening stages of possibly the biggest year of my life so far, I am reminded just how lucky I am to live the life I do. 2016 was full of loss, full of change and adaption and at times I felt my feet being carried away from under me in such a rush that I didn't have time to catch my breath. It's gone by quickly taking with it friends, family and quite a few celebrities. Yet I am left with foundations that are strong, dedicated and loving. Change is sometimes good and also sometimes necessary.

It's been scary stepping out alone, entering new territory, finding out things about myself and people around me that I didn't know before and becoming accustomed to new situations is something I am not used to. I've quickly had to get used to that. I don't like being perceived as weak or vulnerable but this year I learnt that it is ok to lean on people and in turn for them to lean on you.

It's been a sad year at times. I've seen my grandparents develop illnesses and become more reliant on my family. I remember running around the garden with them, playing football and tennis with my Papa and painting pictures with my Mama who is an amazing artist. To see two people so full of life, people who you spent your entire childhood with become so lifeless it heart breaking and for me personally it has been very difficult to deal with that.

I've seen friends come and go and to begin with it was sad but I learnt that surrounding yourself with good, kind people has an effect on your wellbeing. Once I decided I was worth more than that, that was the moment I found a little bit of light in quite a dark year.

Yet, 2016 for me, was good. I have found myself falling even more in love with a man I have spent two and a half years of my life with (three in February) and it's wonderful to be able to see that growth of relationship. It's so exciting to know you have found your person and that sense of belonging and security has been very important to me. Some people just possess goodness, so being surrounded by that all the time only brings happiness. It's not always perfect but it's near enough that.

I started my third and final year at university. Being a part of a creative writing degree has been one of the best things I have ever done and a decision that I am so proud I made. I've developed, grown and found that my writing has become something I want to share with people. I find myself writing poems on the train without realising and exploring scriptwriting, a genre I had no idea I liked before. It helps when your peers are all so talented and it fuels your own writing a considerable amount. I'm achieving things in my final year that I haven't before and taking that step and dedicating all my time to that has been one of the best changes. I hope to continue that this year.

I turned 21 this year. A big difference. I realised that I am now an adult and I must embrace that, as much as I want (at times) to be treated as a child and go back to the days when the hardest decision was choosing which colour crayon to use. Turning 21 was strange. Most birthdays I just dismiss and feel no different but my 21st made me think. It made think about all the things I have achieved over my life. Also, the things I want to do but haven't been able to do, whether that's because I am frightened to do them or can't just yet. I decided to be braver from then. So the latter half of 2016 was spent developing myself and taking on new challenges.

I got a new job on a reception desk, which for me was a big deal. Dealing with anxiety is something I don't really want to talk about just yet but taking up a role on a front desk and answering phone calls and speaking to people really boosted my confidence. To the point where I felt comfortable and wanted to be there. I love the job. I love being around people and laughing with people and that is something I hadn't been able to do over the years previous.

I don't make resolutions. I don't stick to them, I don't try and stick to them and eventually I get annoyed with myself that I haven't tried. This year I will make resolutions because last year taught me that I can do anything and everything that I set my mind to.

  • Travel - I am going to Whitby (with my boyfriend) for our first holiday together on our own which will be great and then after we are off to Spain in August, but I would love to visit places within the UK over the year and explore different areas of the country that I haven't yet seen with my own eyes.
  • Lose Weight - ok so this one is generic and I know it sounds so silly because I have promised every year to do this and never have. Yet since October 2016 I have lost two stone, which has been a big stepping stone for me and I am so encouraged by it. I hope by the time I go to Spain I will feel confident in myself.
  • Go to more football games - I've been a Nottingham Forest fan since I was about six and I love football but it's been a bit of trial going to games as of late (due to our consistently bad run of form) but 2017 will hopefully see a rejuvenation surrounding the club.
  • Write more - I am a poet and a writer and I love it. I adore it in fact. I have neglected that somewhat towards the end of 2016, so this year I have decided to pick it up and immerse myself in it again. I find getting lost in words or books is an amazing escapism from the reality of everyday life. For me, poetry is one of the most important things in my life.
  • Read more - Same principal. I love literature, I love reading. Doing a full time course you lose the time to read for pleasure so I shall definitely be taking some time out from everything and getting back to basics.
  • Drink more water - Pretty self explanatory right?
  • Getting rid of enemies - Enough conflict has happened last year and this year I am determined to keep myself at a distance from those who are set to harm me.
  • Keep a diary - I say this every year, that I will one hundred percent keep a journal of everything I do so I can look back on it, so this year I am making that a reality.
  • Write a bucket list - It wont feature sky diving or bungee jumping but I think it is good to have some inspiration of things you wish to achieve throughout the year.
As I wave goodbye to the year that has passed I have mixed emotions. I'm sad that the memories I did make, whether good or bad have gone and that my 21st passed so quickly. I am also excited. 2017 promises so much and I have so many plans and possible plans that I cannot wait to get started on this year. I finish university in May, I am stepping out into the big wide world soon after and although it is scary and I am uncertain, I am more than confident it will work out fine. I arrive into 2017 as a version of myself that I can be proud of.
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