Wow! This is very strange. I don't think I have posted to my blog since 2017 - quite a few years have gone by and I realised how therapeutic and freeing I find writing, so decided to restart my blog. I have been so inspired recently to write - not about anything in particular although I will be posting some poetry soon - and I felt like now was the right time to write.
I'm now twenty nine years old - how did that happen - happily married to Lewis for five years and living in our brand new home in Nottingham which we moved to in May! Life is treating us so well at the moment, which is something to be so thankful for, particularly after such a tumultuous few years together facing health difficulties and changes of circumstance but we've walked alongside each other through all of that and now the days ahead look sunny!
I am working in a brand new job too, which has given me a feeling of such purpose and contentment. I am still working in the charity sector, a sector that I love and have so much respect for and have fit in to my new role really happily. It's definitely challenging, so much so that I did question myself at first, but now have found my creative flair and purpose and it's been so exciting and enjoyable to learn new things and get stuck in!
I have been reading my books, writing my poetry and sipping on cups of tea - in that respect not much has changed over these past few years. I have chosen to live the slow, relaxed, cottage style life and not apologise for who I am. I have also found my faith again.
Having a faith.
I think at first being a Christian and following Jesus was something I really struggled to talk about. Like a lot of young people, I didn't think it was 'cool' and I wanted to follow the crowd and fit in. Even up until I was twenty three, I was struggling to be open with my faith and I felt Jesus really calling me to be outward facing and jubilant in my faith and relationship with him. A lot of things had led me to turn away from faith, including struggles with my diagnosis with arthritis and the loss of my grandparents. I didn't really indulge anything related to religion. I think three years ago was a real turning point for me in my walk with Christ.
I had hit rock bottom with my battle with mental health. Like many of us, I think the lockdowns during the pandemic, during which I was made redundant really hit me hard. Being at home all the time, not being allowed to visit family and generally being so concerned about the world we live in and how it's being affected really troubled me, and the anxious thoughts and depression started to become overwhelming. When we finally came out of lockdown, I had reached the breaking point and had a mental health crisis. It was so difficult for Lewis, my husband to go through and for me to remember and understand now as most of that time is a blur in my memory.
It was at this point I started watching my local church service online, through Youtube. I turned it on one Sunday morning, feeling low and panicked not expecting much and to turn it off halfway through which during my depression I tended to do. They were talking about returning home, returning to the church and reclaiming the relationship you have with Jesus. I was stunned and at that moment broke down in tears and prayed wholeheartedly crying out to the Lord. It was a beautiful moment, really powerful and it was the moment my life began to turn around.
I found myself smiling more, feeling light and weightless and filled with a passion and a love for Jesus and since then he has blessed me in so many ways, challenged me in others but in all things been there alongside me. It has been a real blessing to have this relationship with Jesus, something I hadn't experienced properly before. Now I am working for the Kingdom, and that excites me that my identity should in any way reflect Jesus' face.
It's something I am trying to be more open about, particularly with my friends and family. I don't think it changes you as a person. I am still me. I like Lord of the Rings, I read Harry Potter, I still swear sometimes (sometimes too much admittedly), I love everyone regardless of their creed, race, sexuality. I think these misconceptions about what it is to have a friendship with Jesus, often lead to judgement and mocking before people have even really asked questions or met the person. It's changed my ability to love wholeheartedly offering my heart to more people and sharing in kindness and friendship. It's definitely pushed me out of my comfort zone and led me to become more confident. It's also allowed me to be who I am, which my friends have accepted and embraced. I can honestly say I have never been happier.
Life in general
So many amazing things happened in the past few years, more so the past few months. I have got an amazing new job, a beautiful new home and an amazing group of friends. It seemed impossible five years ago to say I would be sat here now feeling like this, but it's such a blessing and I can't help but feel God really had his hand in all of it.
My parents have bought a caravan in the Lake District which we have visited many times. We love it there, the peaceful energy it brings and how close you are to mountains and rivers that seem to span the entire horizon. The caravan is in Keswick, which has the loveliest pubs and cafes and the BEST bookshop, Bookends which I have spent many an hour in on my trips up there.
Finally, I was lucky enough to get to go on a retreat week with work. We spent three days in lovely Derbyshire, connecting with our team members from all over the UK, celebrating our shared work for Jesus' kingdom and I even did a quiz!! On the second day, I was lucky enough to get to visit Chatsworth House. The house is absolutely incredible, from the art work to the architecture. I even had a cheeky ice cream to finish the day!