Words of
love for Joey.
For those of you who may not know me, my name is Katy and I’m Joey’s older sister. I’m here to represent our family today and to speak about our love for Joey. I’d firstly love to thank you all for coming here today, to remember and celebrate Joey’s life. We’ve been so moved by the touching tributes and words and the outpouring of love left for Joey by so many of you, and we feel so proud of the man and friend he was to so many.
Joey was so many things. A treasured son, a beloved brother and brother-in-law, a loved nephew and a fantastic friend. He leaves such a legacy of kindness, something that we’ve seen and heard about through the tributes left in his memory and from just how we all knew Joey. He’s made a huge impact on so many people’s lives, helping people and supporting others. But that was Joey, down to a T. He’d be there if you needed him, any hour of any day.
Joey and I grew up together side by side. We did almost 100% of everything together. If I started swimming lessons, Joey did. If I did karate, Joey did. If we went out for the day, we went together hand in hand. All of our summer holidays were spent side by side. Growing up with Joey was not always easy. As children, we fought a lot, mostly about silly things. Joey stealing my hair straighteners, how much time we spent with my parents, and one fight I remember where we chased each other around the house for over an hour screaming. I can’t even remember what that one was about but they all seem so trivial now. When we turned 17, our bond became inseparable. Joey became not only my younger brother but my best friend and a confidante I trusted with my heart.
We often spent a great deal of our time outdoors as children, which I think helped develop Joey’s love of the Lake District. Whether it was one of the many camping holidays in Cornwall we often looked forward to, or a day out to Wollaton Park or Lanes Farm with our Grandparents to feed the donkey there, that Joey said looked a lot like Papa, we spent so much of our time in nature, something Joey of course came to love in his later life. His university course was around Animal Care, which he felt so passionate about. Joey made some wonderful friends at university, who really embraced him.
There are so many stories I could tell you about Joey. I think I might need to write a book one day, but I can tell you a few of my favourites. How Joey played a chicken in his schools Christmas play, and is still famed for it even now. How we used to gather pots and pans at my Grandparents house and make a drum kit, and we’d pretend to be Richard and Karen Carpenter. How when he turned 18, he stayed out all night with no contact, and didn’t come home until 7am worrying everyone sick, only to fall into bed completely unbothered. How we had an old karaoke machine and would sit on my bed in my tiny bedroom and record radio shows onto old cassettes; Joey was always the weatherman and I was the sports commentator. My favourite stories are the ones he shared with Lewis and I. When Lewis and I would go on cinema dates, sometimes Joey would come along with us, and not only would he sit in the middle of the two of us he would hold both our hands, and when he’d finished his popcorn, he’d make a start on Lewis’ tub. I was especially proud to have Joey stand alongside us at our wedding day – he had taken part in both the hen do and stag do celebrations and had become affectionately known as my ‘gay of honour.’ Joey shared a very special bond with Lewis, looked up to him and lovingly called him his Broski.
Joey had so many passions in his life. He was a fabulous musician, and loved to play his piano (mainly Dolly Parton songs) and sing along to them in his bedroom. One Christmas, he played carols for the whole family on his old keyboard and we sang songs together around the table. He could memorise notes within an hour of finding a song, and played such an eclectic mix of music, indulging all genres! His love for both classical and disco, made his playlists just slightly chaotic, but it often made car karaoke so much fun. One minute we’d be dancing to Lady Gaga and pretending we were on stage, to listening to Mozart and having some very deep conversations.
Joey was an advocate for the LGBTQ community. One of my favourite things about who Joey was, was his openness and his gayness. As his sister, to see him blossom throughout his life, thanks to his friends and his affiliation with Open House and other groups, was a privilege. As a family, we encouraged and felt passionate that Joey should be who he was, without prejudice or judgement. Sometimes he struggled, especially during his school years with understanding who he was, but I really feel in his later life he became the queen he was supposed to be and lived his life in truth. I’m so proud of him. I will miss our re-runs of Ru Paul’s Drag Race, miss singing to Todrick Hall in his car and tongue popping all through town and hearing his ‘yaaaaas queen’ sassy sayings. He was the pure embodiment of authenticity.
I really feel Joey’s heart belonged to the Lake District. He had a passion for the fells and for walking in general. Joey would often go on walks and send 100 photos of sheep and fields to the family group chat, followed closely by one selfie of him sat in the pub somewhere, usually red faced and tired from the day, and usually wet from the rain! Mum and Dad introduced walking to Joey and I when we were young. I think Mum and Dad have both carried us on their backs at some point as babies and children, to take on some big mountains – Joey kept that same passion all throughout his life. He could read maps, follow trails and traversed much of the Lakes with Dad beside him. It was lovely to see the photos of adventures they had shared. Not long before he died, Joey, Mum and Dad went to Pembrokeshire for a holiday, another corner of the world he really loved. He’d often be seen wearing his ‘Joey’ hat, a woolly hat he had with his name on which is now proudly with my Dad to take with him on future walks.
As a sister, and an older sister at that, you want to influence your younger brother just a bit and it was no different with Joey. Our shared love of KPOP was instilled by me at a young age. It had got to the point where Joey knew more about it than me, coming round to our house to perform another dance routine he’d learnt by watching TWICE (a KPOP girl group) on YouTube. He only listened to the girl groups, which is completely unsurprising. At almost 6ft 5, and with a pair of platform Doc Martens on, Joey touched the ceiling in our lounge, and the floor shook when he did jumps and twirls, but we watched and applauded because we had to tell him he was fabulous, of course.
Many of you will remember Joey for his dancing. He was the life and soul of any party. If the dance floor was empty, you could guarantee Joey would fill it for you. He’s lit up many dance floors in his time, including at a Trent Christmas party in this very room, at my wedding where he encouraged everyone to get up and dance, and not to mention at the many New Year’s Eve parties we often had. One particular New Years, Joey came along to bowling with myself and Lewis’ family, where he dragged everyone into the bowling lane to perform Oops Upside Your Head, after a few too many cocktails – he adored those too! Joey had started attending dance classes before he died. To see him perform on videos and have the confidence to dance and be free in that way, made me feel really proud. I often looked forward to seeing the next instalment added to his Instagram, with more of his sassy moves!
Joey and I shared a very similar sense of humour, so much so that nobody else really understood it or found it funny. From laughing at episodes of Scooby Doo, to playing ‘say a word and try not to laugh game’ which literally just consisted of us saying words like cauliflower in a funny voice and making a face at one another until the other laughed. It was always Joey who laughed first. We re-watched Peter Kay stand up performances more than 100 times and he’d quote every time he’d watch it. Our love of Harry Potter was a shared passion, so badly that we quoted the entire films from start to finish, and I don’t think Lewis has ever been able to last watching an entire run of the film with us. When we were children, we’d have wand fights in the garden, and ride around on garden brooms pretending to play quidditch. He’d really be yelling at me for telling you that one. We had a lovely trip to the Harry Potter studio tour with Joey’s friend Beth for his birthday, which I often remember fondly.
His faith made Joey who he was. He had a deep love for Jesus, and loved coming to church on a Sunday to praise, pray and be involved in church life. Often he’d arrive wearing a very loud colourful shirt or a sequined jacket – we love that jacket. His faith helped him navigate a lot of things in his life that he found difficult and he made his lifelong friendships through church, a community of wonderful people who embraced Joey for who he was which allowed him to thrive and become more confident. I think it’s mostly down to them that Joey found who he was meant to be and I know God put them in his path and gave him the confidence to forge those relationships. Joey had autism among other neuro-divergent conditions, which made developing those relationships often difficult, so we thank Jesus that he helped him to make these friends and provided him with the community to really mould and shape both his identity and his faith. We also thank Open House for all they did for Joey and the incredible friendships he made there, and to the church community in Keswick where he was also welcomed and embraced.
Lastly, it wouldn’t be right to speak about Joey and not mention his love for rollercoaster’s. He loved Alton Towers, Drayton Manor, Thorpe Park, but his trip to Universal in Orlando with our Uncle Richard and Tracie was the best experience of his life, I think! He spoke about it often, so much so that we’d tease him and say ‘have you been to Orlando Joey? We had no idea!’ He’d roll his eyes and huff but it’d make us all laugh, including him. Joey could tell you everything about rollercoaster’s. The highest, the fastest, the newest, the biggest park in the world. He was obsessed, to the point that we would spend hours playing Rollercoaster Tycoon together, and he’d micro manage what I did, where I put things and critiqued the rollercoaster’s that I created, only to then change them completely. We had many of Joey’s birthdays at theme parks, one I remember especially at Drayton Manor where we watched him go round on a log flume 10 consecutive times. He came off beaming with joy and soaking wet.
Joey was the best brother you could wish for. He was kind, supportive, funny, fabulous, gentle, honest (sometimes too much especially about clothing choices) and true. I feel incredibly thankful that God chose me out of everyone to be his sister, to be alongside him as he grew and developed into the man he became and to see his incredible achievements and talents unfold. He was a bright light in so much darkness for me and was instrumental in pulling me out of a mental health crisis a few years ago and encouraged me to come back to church where I have found Jesus and forged by own faith and friendships. He spent most of his time helping and uplifting others with a passion for allowing people to be who they wanted to be. You received no judgement from Joey. He loved individuality and found that authentic people were his type of people. He never spoke badly of anyone, and found the spark in each person he met. He was always concerned and always supportive to his friends – that’s just who he was. Like I have said many times, I am so proud of Joey and feel a great sense of pride and love that I got to be his sister.
I imagined us living in a care home one day, still arguing and still dancing but the best of friends and together. I’d imagined him coming over for his Sunday dinner, maybe with a partner of his own and every week staying to play a board game or have a chat. I imagined him meeting any future children I might have, becoming an uncle to them and embracing that role in my life. I imagined we would be dealing with all the things siblings deal with, together. I imagined leaning on him in hard times, sharing in the joys that were still yet to come and seeing him continue to thrive and grow and be loved. Joey was my only sibling, my only brother. It was always Katy and Joe. The Tandy twosome. Together always. Now it’s just me. Now I have to try and navigate life without him and I just don’t know how we are supposed to do that.
Joey was our world, the light and soul of our family and such a big piece of our lives missing now. Things will never be the same for us, but I hope and pray that we will find peace and joy in our lives going forward when thinking of our precious Joey. As your sister Joe, I promise to do well for you. I promise to be there for Mum and Dad and step up in the way you always did. I promise to be better for you and to live strongly in faith as you wanted me to and trust in Jesus that he will lift us through this. I will do you proud, as you have done all of us proud. My heart hurts even thinking about the word goodbye, but really it’s a see you later. I miss you and I love you more than words can say or express.
I’ll end by saying I think Winnie the Pooh really summed it up best; How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye (or see you later) so hard.